my internet is going off soon.
probably wont be on back at home untill i graduate from college and find a real job and move out of this forsaken hell hole. today i woke up, and i felt vary disposed of. not only by god, not only by that school who expelled me, not only by my parents, not only by past friends, but by the hole world. nothing really yells 'YOU'VE BEEN DISPOSED OF U SHIT!' by the realization that youve been doing absolutly nothing with your life for the past 7 months, and the world sorta went on... went on without any change. its sorta like when u die, u sorta expect the world to stop and feel sorry for u or some shit, but it just goes on and no one really cares THAT much. more babies are born, more wars are faught, more corrupt men take over countries and pretend there not corrupt just cuz there black (lol obama reference, THAT LITTLE SHIT HEAD SAID HE WAS AGAINST THE DONT ASK DONT TELL ARMY POLICY AND NOW HES ALL FUCKEN HOMOPHOBIC THAT SHIT FACE I HOPE HE FUCKEN GETS ASSASSINATED)
the world goes on, and it feels like things just sorta get worse an worse and no ones there to listen or care cuz - U GUESSED IT! YOU'VE BEEN DISPOSED OF
now, some people may be reading this, and because they cant relate to this at all cuz there problems are nothing compared to real ones, there gonna think to themselfs 'stfu deal with it.' which, im doing to an extent. i oviously am dealing with this hole little... sittuation of mine called life, but in no way dose it make it justifyable for a person whos living a good life to come say some dumb shit to me cuz im dealing with my own life poorly becuz IM POOR (not only money wize, allot of other shit is just vary poor about my life, if there is a god, he didnt take much time in aranging my life or making sure i wouldnt suffer, nothing would make me happier then to dispose of this god so it feels what ive felt for so long) it just sorta feels like everything is to fucking negative to think positive. i sorta lost all enthusiasm for life and living and going on in this shit stain of a world. its like, why live a life thats already been lived and suffered by so many? this world is such shit. =/ but ill deal with it, or atleast i think i will. theres only so much you can take before u grab a gun and start killing everyone who contributed to your fucked up life.
what makes this all a bit more pathetic is knowing how many people are actually gonna hear this, or hear my life story, and not really give a flying fuck. so fucking disposed of, this world disposes all of its young, why not just have the fucking abortion!? PLEASE just put the fucking kid out of its misery and have an abortion before its born to such a vile fucking world, but that doesnt apply to those of u who are educated and not on drugs and have money. but fuck, if your POOR... if your ON DRUGS... if your A DUMBASS then DONT HAVE A FUCKING CHILD! if only someone would have given this advice to my parents

i seem to have memory issues now, i cant even remember what i've been writing about right now... my mind is just fucking forgetting everything so quickly in life, but it chooses to remember the worst fucking things. THAYNX GAWD! FOR DUH WONDERFULL BRAIN AND EMOTIONS!

i think i remember now what made me so fucken careless about loosing my internet last time, i remember putting out a message like this on my da/myspace and everything and no one really replied or cared or anything, so it was like 'ok then, fuck everyone on the internet.' and i was able to move on for a while. what kind of fuckhead gets disposed of in life AND in the cyber universe!? lol what a fucken fail.